


Only One Way To Go From Here

by heyguysimbecca



Series: Fluffy/Angsty Supernatural Stand-Alones [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adorable Sam, Anxiety, Anxious!Reader, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Sam is a Sweetheart, Self-Harm, Suicide, Sympathetic Sam, Triggers, Understanding Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 15:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10364124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyguysimbecca/pseuds/heyguysimbecca
Summary: !!!TRIGGER WARNING!!! Mentions of mental breakdown, suicide, self-harm, other mental health issuesHer life flashed before her eyes. It's no wonder she would start acting strange. But what if there's something more to it?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of a suggestion I got on "Bullet Wounds and Unconditional Love"
> 
> I am in no way, shape, or form trying to romanticize mental health issues. Everyone has problems, and everyone can overcome them. I believe in you and I love you.
> 
> Y/L/N - Your Last Name
> 
> Y/F/N or Y/N - Your First Name or Your Name, used interchangeably

Backstory time!

 

You were always a bit of an odd kid. Your parents both left when you were a young teen. You had to learn to take care of yourself. You learned cooking and cleaning and responsibility for your own life at such a young age. Having friends over was weird, so you never really invited them over.

On top of learning to take care of yourself, you had to learn to take care of your little brother, Owen. He was quiet and tried to stay out of your way and make things easier for you whenever he could. 

You got accepted into a good college and Owen would not let you give up the opportunity to have something better than your crappy life.

But, when you moved out, he couldn't take it. He checked himself into a mental hospital and has been there ever since. You haven't heard from him since that day. 

You got your own place and were living relatively normally until...

 

CURRENT HAPPENINGS

 

You heard the doorbell and went to go answer it. When you opened the door, two very tall men were standing there, looking very somber. 

"Miss Y/L/N?" the taller one asked. You nodded slowly. They both pulled out badges as the taller one continued, "I'm Agent Plant, and this is my partner, Agent Roberts. We're here investigating your brother's case."

You looked completely perturbed. "M-My brother? What happened to my brother that I was not informed of?" you demanded.

The shorter one, Agent Roberts, though short was not a word to describe him, answered, "He is acting abnormally violent toward nurses at his hospital."

Your eyes grew wide and your jaw dropped as you covered your mouth with your hand. "He  _what?_ _"_

Neither of them said anything so you could process. Your baby brother. Violent was never a word that crossed your mind when you thought about him. How could this be happening to him? Did he finally lose it?

"I want to see him."

The agents looked at each other. Agent Roberts looked back at you with his mouth open like he was going to say something, but he hesitated before speaking. "Ma'am, I don't think that's the best idea right now, what with-"

"I want to see him." you insisted.

 

The next thing you knew, you were sitting in the backseat of black 1967 Chevy Impala going to see your apparently mental little brother.

 

After getting the okay from the nurses once they saw the FBI were there, you headed up to your brother's room. 

When you walked in, you couldn't believe your eyes. He was laying on his bed, handcuffed to it. Your eyes grew wide.

"O-Owen?" He grinned.

"Y/N."

You let out a breath. He remembered you. Well, of course he remembered you, he was acting violent, not delusional, not like he had dementia.

"I would say I'm glad to see you, but honestly, I couldn't care less." Owen's comment took you by surprise. You looked back at him, your jaw dropped like an idiot with nothing to say. 

"Yeah. I know I should care, but I just can't. I don't know how," he chuckled. Chuckled. He was laughing. He found this funny. You couldn't believe it.

The two agents looked at each other. They definitely knew something. You looked down, unable to look at your brother, yet unable to leave him. The agents stepped outside and began talking. You heard bits and pieces of their conversation. "...soulless...makes sense...not caring...like when I was soulless..." They weren't making any sense. 

You finally were able to look up at Owen, and when you did, he was out of the cuffs, standing, facing the window in his room. All you saw was his hand, which was holding something, go up to his neck, blood dripping down his arm, his body hit the floor, and a razor blade fall out of his limp hand.

 

You screamed.

 

The agents came rushing back in the room, guns at the ready, when they saw you staring at his lifeless body. 

"He just, he had a blade, I don't know how, but he just, he cut his, and then he, guys, he's  _dead_..."

You ran out of his room and back to the parking lot.

The agents ran out after you. The taller one, Agent Plant, put his hand on your shoulder and just let you cry. "He was all I had left..."

Agent Plant began to speak to you. "Miss Y/L/N-" 

"Y/F/N," you interrupted him.

"Sorry. Y/F/N. That wasn't your brother. I mean, it was, but not really."

You sniffled. "What do you mean?"

"I mean somehow, he lost his soul." You were silent.

"But, how?" Agent Plant shook his head. He didn't know.

"You guys aren't agents. Who are you?" you demanded. 

The taller one looked at the shorter one, who shrugged. 

"I'm Sam Winchester, and this is my brother, Dean. We hunt these kind of things."

You scoffed at the word 'things.' Your brother was a thing now. He didn't even deserve the title 'human' in their eyes.

"Look. Why don't you stay with us for a while, just until you can get back on your feet?" You looked at the tall one, Sam, and saw that he was serious.

 

So, you got in the back of their impala and left everything behind.

 

You had been staying with Sam and Dean for about a month now, and you had started to pick up hunting. You had no intention of going back to your old life. Your brother was in your old life, and you had buried that away. 

You and Sam started to shamelessly flirt, and eventually, you went on a date.

This is when things started to take a turn for the worst. You found yourself just blankly staring at lore books and articles, unable to focus on anything. Everything seemed too irrelevant. I mean, you'd already looked through every book in the Bunker at least four times. But every time you tried to read a new article, you couldn't absorb the information. 

Then, you started to comfort eat. This was out of the ordinary for you. When you arrived at the Bunker, you were eating relatively normally. But at this magic one-month mark, when everything went downhill, you started to eat just because. When you were bored, you ate. When you needed something to do with your hands, you ate. When you sat down to watch a movie or TV show, you ate. You were bordering on binge eating.

Next was stomach cramps. Now, this wasn't your normal menstrual cramps; this was caused by the amount of stress you were under from burying your memories and emotions. It even started to impair your ability to hunt. This is when Sam started to take notice that something was up, but he didn't say anything to you or Dean.

Then, your lack of energy and caring altogether. You cared very little about how you looked and had very low energy every day. Your posture had gotten worse. Sam had suggested taking you to a doctor, but being as stubborn as you were, you refused. This is when Dean started to notice that something was wrong.

Sam and Dean were at a table before you got up one day. Dean was the first to say anything about your condition.

"Hey, has Y/N seemed a little off to you lately?" Dean asked. Sam agreed, but neither of them knew what to do about it.

The next thing that happened seemed random. You started smelling weird things. Not sulfury, more sour. You were always asking the boys if something smelled weird to them, but neither of them noticed anything.

Finally came paranoia. You were always on edge, as if you were convinced something bad was going to happen. You could never explain it to the boys, but they noticed when you got a little more jumpy and irritable.

This is where you broke. You started to burn yourself. It made you feel something other than brokenness. You spend hours just crying alone in your room. You couldn't let the boys know about it. If anything, they'd understand, right? They knew about burying feelings.

One day, you were in the Bunker with Sam. Dean had gone out to get groceries. Sam heard you crying in your room. He opened your door and saw you, in a t-shirt and shorts, hair messy and eyes swollen, tear stains down your face. He came over and sat on your bed. You held your pillow on your forearms in an attempt to hide your scars from Sam. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" You continued crying and couldn't answer. Your breathing was uneven and tears kept slipping down your face. Then, Sam went to take to pillow from you. 

You couldn't stop him in time. He moved the pillow and saw your scars. He looked at them, then into your eyes. "Y/N, how did these get here?" You were still crying. Sam took your head and placed it on his shoulder, then moved to put his arm around your waist. He kissed your temple, then whispered, mouth so close to your forehead, "Y/N, did you do this?" 

You let out a loud cry and nodded. Sam pulled you into a full hug, trying to calm you down. "Shh, Y/N, it's okay. I'm not mad. I understand. You're okay. You're going to be okay. I'm not mad at you."

You looked up at him. "You're not?" Sam shook his head. "Of course not. Now, that doesn't mean I'm not going to try to help you to make sure this doesn't keep happening. But, no, Y/N, I'm not mad."

You were amazed. He didn't think you were broken. He didn't lose faith in you. He didn't kick you out. He wasn't even  _mad._

You grabbed his face and kissed him gently and he returned it. You broke away and touched your foreheads together. 

"Now, Y/N, we need to get you on the road to recovery." You knew the answer to your next question, but you wanted to see how  _he_ answered.

"Why?"

"Because, Y/N, you've lost everything. I daresay you've hit rock bottom. So, there's only one way to go from here."

You smiled. "Good answer, Winchester."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Any questions? Thoughts? Suggestions? Leave them in the comments below.
> 
> Kudos are always welcome I mean the button's right there and you don't even have to have an account so I say knock yourselves out


End file.
